How I Overcame Binge Eating
Published 8/24/2013 • Updated 10/3/2018
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DISCLAIMER: I am not a doctor and these are my experiences. Please please seek help if you are suffering from an eating disorder or mental illness. HERE is more information about how to do so.
After I wrote about my story a few weeks ago, I received no less than 20 emails from different FFF readers with similar experiences. I wanted to give each of them a BIG shout out because there is no way I would have ever had the balls to open up like that during my disordered eating. You are all stronger than you think (on the inside and out 😉 ).
Today’s post is on how to overcome binge eating; a very common question since my last disordered eating post…Again, after you read through if you have more questions feel free to shoot me an email or use the comment section to ask! I am very open about answering 😛
Before I start I just wanted to reiterate…
I thought that the day I stopped counting calories was my light at the end of the tunnel, but I still had a long journey ahead of me.
Binge eating was probably the most stressful and embarrassing part of my eating disorder because you just feel like you have absolutely control. No control about your thoughts and no control of your actions around food. Remember, I went from being in complete control, counting every little morsel that went into my mouth, to absolutely no control and not being able to lasso it in.
I know this can be triggering for some, so stop reading if that’s you!
When the binging started.
I remember this vividly. I was sitting in a group therapy class with multiple other young women who went to the U of M and we were sharing stories of our highs and lows. *I just have to say that it takes a lot of balls to go to a group therapy session.* I had no idea what kind of disordered eating everyone else had, but at the time I really only knew about anorexia (what I had) and bulimia. The first girl to go started sharing a very graphic story about her binging and purging. Like 9,000 calories worth of binging on dorm food. I was mortified. I didn’t even know that existed and I told myself that I would never and could never let myself go like that (remember at the time I was in complete and utter control of every calorie that went into my body).
That day I told myself that group therapy wasn’t for me. Summer was coming and I continued 1-1 therapy and my antidepressant. I was actually on an uprise, putting all my energy towards defeating my eating disorder. I stopped counting calories, and set myself the goal of “intuitive eating.”
Things were getting much better going into my senior year. Overall, I felt happier and much more comfortable around food. That’s when the binging started. When I got comfortable. I was no longer depressed, but was now sort of “obsessed with food.” I remember I would wake up at 3AM at eat my breakfast because I couldn’t sleep and was literally obsessing over my breakfast. Because of that, my whole entire eating schedule was off, which lead to major binging at night.
What a Typical Binge Looked Like
For me binging was more of an oral fixation than anything. I love the sensation of crunchy foods, cold foods, etc. When it comes down to it, my binge eating was due to the fact that I could not read my hunger cues and I had no self-control. My binging usually took place at night, after I had a beautiful day of eating good-for-you foods. It was usually on some sort of sweeter (but healthy) food that I would consider my dessert (at the time). Nothing is “healthy” if you eat an ungodly amount of it in one sitting.
I would go into the snack or dessert with the intent of just having a handful or a serving and end up going WAY overboard. My handful of raisins would turn into 1-2 cups + something else. Or if I had made a batch of cookies- bam those were gone. Same thing with grapes. I would freeze grapes, hoping that because they were frozen, it would take me longer to eat (which is suggested for intuitive eating). 3 pounds later or almost 1,000 calories, the entire bag of grapes. Gone.
What I Binged On
There are really only a select few things that I binged on. The first one that makes me the most upset is the gum chewing. I have always been a gum chewer, but gum was almost like a sweet safety net for me. Instead of having dessert (which is clearly more calories than a stick of gum), I would pop a piece of sweet sugar-free bubblegum to get my fix. 6 packs later…yes. You read that correctly. 6. packs. later. My stomach would be so gassy, bloated, and uncomfortable that there was no way I was leaving my house. I know you are probably thinking, how can you binge on gum if you don’t actually eat it? Well, gum does have a caloric value. The crazy thing is, I wasn’t really able to realize what I was doing, while I was doing it. It was only afterward when I would lay in my bed, in pain because my stomach was so bloated.
A few other common foods I couldn’t control myself around was grapes, cereal, and raisins. It was hard for me to buy anything in bulk at the time from the grocery store because I was scared to death that I wasn’t going to be able to control myself and eat the entire thing. I’m not sure why I chose grapes and raisins, but I can tell you that today- both of those things just look and sound so unappealing to me. And cereal/granola. I could never sit down and have just 1 bowl. More like 3 or 4 giant bowls. That was and is my favorite after dinner treat.
My Recovery
Like I stated above, my recovery included 1-1 therapy, an antidepressant, love, and support from my family, and will-power from me.
I started dating Blake in January of my senior year (2012) and at the time I was going back and forth between binging and restricting (never purging). I felt extremely guilty and embarrassed because I was hiding my binging from him (only doing it when he wasn’t home) and Blake is the person I share everything with. We soon moved in together and that’s when I told myself, NO MORE. I told myself I was not going to let this thing run my life and make me feel guilty around Blake. This is when I decided to change.
Blake’s eating habits are very different than mine. He eats 3 meals but eats what he’s craving. I could never eat just 3 meals (I am a small- 6 meal kind of girl), but I was never really able to “just eat what I was craving” because I was on such a rigorous diet for so long. Blake eats a lot of meats, veggies, eggs, and fruit and he doesn’t like dessert. Well- I LOVE dessert, so I would make huge dinner and eat that, but then go for my real craving 1 or 2 hours later.
So, I decided to start feeding my body what I was craving when I was craving it. I’m not saying that I would eat dessert for dinner every night, but if I knew I was craving granola, I would make myself a Greek yogurt and granola parfait, and be absolutely content, not feeling like I needed to have 4 bowls of it. Because- if I didn’t give my body what she was craving, I knew that after dinner I would fall into the binge trap and eat it, a lot if it, anyways.
One thing that really helped me through this entire process was believing myself and staying positive. Every day is a new day. Things didn’t change overnight, but I didn’t stop until I got what I wanted –> normal-like eating habits. Another thing that helped me recover, was sharing my experience with someone else. My sister was the only one who really knew what was going on, but the situation really comes to life when you say it out loud.
So…
Tips for Recovery
- Eat what you are craving when you are craving it.
- Surround yourself with normal eaters. What is a normal eater? Someone who eats intuitively and probably doesn’t even know it!
- Challenge yourself. Go out to eat, go to bars, and pt yourself in situations where it’s uncomfortable. If you’re craving a donut for breakfast, order the damn donut and feel good about your decision.
- Write down your goal and don’t stop believing. Every day is a new day and you need to stay positive!
- Share your story with someone. Say it out loud and tell them and yourself what you are going to do to overcome it.
- Know that your eating habits don’t have to be the same as everyone else’s. If 6 small meals work for you, do it. If you like to eat pancakes for dinner, do it.
So that is that. It’s been almost a good year, and I am feeling good about my eating. I binge like a normal person (in moderation) and I am now able to let my mind think about other things, rather than obsessing over what I feed my body. I am like a whole new woman and I wake up with a kick-ass attitude every single day. I know what it feels like to be trapped in your own mind. This is why I am able to wake up and feel so free and thankful to be happy and healthy.
Questions- ask them. I’d love to chat!
Thank you so much for sharing this! I am still working on overcoming binge eating and your story is one that closely resembles my own (right down to the gum, unfortunately). I’m so glad I’m not alone in this–you have no idea how great that feels.
YAY! SO glad my story resonated with you!!!!!!
I love you and your story is so inspirational! Intuitive eating is amazing. It’s so freeing!
😛 Thanks lady! We’ve all got a story to tell 😀
Thanks for posting this. It’s so brave of you to share your story and so beneficial for the many others who deal with binging and food obsession everyday. I’m a recent recoverer from binging myself too. Just like you said, the thought of food consumed me. Literally everything I did in a day revolved around planning/thinking about my next meal. And for the most part, I too was veryyyy healthy. It’s crazy you mentioned that it was after dinner and later on that was the hardest for you because that was the same for me too! It’s the time when I guess no one was really there to ‘monitor’ me and I chose cereal and often times yogurt and peanut butter to a crazily excessive amount. Again, I want to commend you for posting this and it reassures me that this is something that others have dealt with through out their lives!! It’s still a constant struggle every day and I have to give myself positive affirmations to replace the negative and obsessive talk in my head but it gets a little easier day after day!
Thank you so much for posting this! I am so happy to hear you feel happy and healthy, and this is really inspiring 🙂
I’m just wondering if you used calorie counting sites while you recovered? I’m trying to stop binging and then starving. I’ve tried to stop logging all my food, but I like to at least know that I’m getting enough nutrients each day, but knowing how much I’m eating makes me still obsess over the amount of calories in each food and feels like an endless loop. I don’t know what the best approach to do is. I’m scared that if I do stop counting calories, I will never stop eating because I never feel full.
Sorry if this is too personal, but would love to hear back,
Not too personal at all! I did not count calories during my recovery. Honestly that was the most liberating part of it. Counting calories is what triggered my eating disorder to begin with. I understand the feeling of never feeling full, but you REALLY REALLY just need to try to be intuitive. It definitely took me a good year to get the hang of what my body needs and how much and I’d say my binge eating was part of my recovery, for sure. It will get better, I promise!
Thank you so much for sharing this! I’ve bookmarked it and found it incredibly helpful, insightful, and honest. I’m studying to be a registered dietitian, but I’ve suffered from eating disorders in the past and it’s hard to constantly be thinking of food while trying to develop a better relationship with something that is supposed to nourish us–not fuel an obsession. It also made me smile when you observed your boyfriend’s eating habits in relation to yours…I’ve been in relationships where my partner actually encouraged me restrict which is so destructive! I look forward to reading more of your posts 🙂
Boo on him. I think anyone who promotes an unhealthy relationship with food needs to be punched. 😀 But really, they do! I’m glad this resonated with you! It was tough to write, but I’ve connected with so many others that have gone through the same exact thing! So awesome you are studying to be an RD. Nutrition was one of my 20 majors when I was in school 😀
Thank you for sharing. I just wrote a post about how I am striving to overcome fruit binges and mindless snacking at the office, and so I can really relate with this… I have major problems with portion control and come from a history of bulimia, so getting past this is really, really hard, as I cannot trust my body to tell me what it really needs, as I know it is somewhat confused itself. But again, every day is a new one and I try to follow a bit of a plan so that I don’t go overboard. Like you said, it starts when you feel comfortable.
It’s so reassuring to know I am not the only one going through this and that there is a light at the end of the tunnel – so thank you. you really are inspiring! 🙂 (also really love your carreer path – totally what I hope to strive for!)
ANOUSHE! Thanks for sharing your story! Honestly, a big step in my recovery was being able to say out loud that I had a problem. What also helped was surrounding myself with intuitive and normal eaters. I know it’s hard, but it does get better!!
Those are great tips, thank you so much!
OMG!!! I’m going through this exact same thing right now! Started recovery about 2 months ago from a restrictive eating disorder. The past 3 weeks, I have been eating uncontrollably….from a whole bag of oreos, a whole loaf of cinnamon raisin bread with chocolate peanut butter, to a box of granola bars. And the grapes…. oh the grapes have been my go-to binge since I started the restrictive diet. I think it’s the quick energy we get from the sugar. Anyhow, I’ve been totally freaked out by this and know that it has to stop before it becomes an emotional habit. This post gives me hope knowing that I’m not alone and that this sounds nearly exactly like my story. Thanks for sharing!
Gabbi! Thank you so much for sharing your story. Do know that it gets better. I found the more I said it outloud, the easier it was to over come. Find what makes you happy and you will be able to focus your energy on things other than food…even if that means big changes. YOU CAN DO IT GIRLFRIEND!
I also have been dealing with an eating disorder, I won’t let myself eat anything but a clean diet but find myself binging later. There’s times I feel completely in control of my eating and the next say I feel completely out of control. On a bad week I’ll binge about 3 days a week. I won’t let myself eat anything I’m craving, I won’t eat white bread, white noodles, cheese, red meat, any junk food, any juice. ,my diet consists of fruit veggies quinoa popcorn and oatmeal,That’s pretty much all I’ll let myself eat. When I feel a binge coming on I think I’ll eat one cookie and il be fine, then my mind just goes out of control and I’ll eat the whole box, then I think to myself ” we’ll I already messed up I might as week keep going ” so I’ll continue to eat until I make myself sick. I only binge on things like cookies, chocolate, ice cream. I think to myself I can keep eating and purge it all out. I’ll purge and if I don’t purge enough I’ll go get on the tread mill. It completely ruins my day. It’s then all I think about. I’ve hid it from my entire family. I find myself sneaking around the kitchen because I’m afraid I’m gonna be judged by them for eating anything. I always have great control when I’m with people but when I’m alone I’m more likely to binge. All I do is compare my body to other girls. If I go to the beach I just look at other girls bodies and think her stomach is flatter than mine.
I am currently trying to overcome a binge eating disorder. I am trying to keep it clean but I find that after three days of clean eating I binge like crazy. I don’t understand what leads to the binge but it leaves me feeling guilty and self-conscious. The binging started when I started restricting. I really want to overcome this but I do not feel strong enough. Your story is inspiring, I hope I can be like you and change my habits.
Merry Christmas
Thank you so much for your comment! My first step in recovery was being able to say out loud (or write down) that I had a problem. It can only get better from here! You have a Merry Xmas too 🙂
I’ve never been a binge eater until I started to restrict, and fell into mild depression and was always stressed. The first time I binged was just on 3 granola cereals cups, burger and a mini blizzard and felt soo sick the next day but that’s where it all started. Then every time I would feel angry or stressed I would start walking around the kitchen looking for anything to mindlessly eat. When I wasn’t able to find any more food I would lie and say I was going to run errands. I would drive to the nearest dairy queen and stuff myface. I’ve binged so many times and every time it’s worse and closer together in occurrence. I’ve recently started drive-thru jumping and start my morning off with soo much fast food. I’ve done this twice and usually take in about 2-3 k calories in just a couple hours. Afterwards I feel lonely, stressed, depressed and the cycle starts up again. I’ve been having this binging problem for awhile I’ve told my sister but when we fight she brings it up.no one really understands.