How I Overcame Binge Eating
Published 8/24/2013 • Updated 10/3/2018
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DISCLAIMER: I am not a doctor and these are my experiences. Please please seek help if you are suffering from an eating disorder or mental illness. HERE is more information about how to do so.
After I wrote about my story a few weeks ago, I received no less than 20 emails from different FFF readers with similar experiences. I wanted to give each of them a BIG shout out because there is no way I would have ever had the balls to open up like that during my disordered eating. You are all stronger than you think (on the inside and out 😉 ).
Today’s post is on how to overcome binge eating; a very common question since my last disordered eating post…Again, after you read through if you have more questions feel free to shoot me an email or use the comment section to ask! I am very open about answering 😛
Before I start I just wanted to reiterate…
I thought that the day I stopped counting calories was my light at the end of the tunnel, but I still had a long journey ahead of me.
Binge eating was probably the most stressful and embarrassing part of my eating disorder because you just feel like you have absolutely control. No control about your thoughts and no control of your actions around food. Remember, I went from being in complete control, counting every little morsel that went into my mouth, to absolutely no control and not being able to lasso it in.
I know this can be triggering for some, so stop reading if that’s you!
When the binging started.
I remember this vividly. I was sitting in a group therapy class with multiple other young women who went to the U of M and we were sharing stories of our highs and lows. *I just have to say that it takes a lot of balls to go to a group therapy session.* I had no idea what kind of disordered eating everyone else had, but at the time I really only knew about anorexia (what I had) and bulimia. The first girl to go started sharing a very graphic story about her binging and purging. Like 9,000 calories worth of binging on dorm food. I was mortified. I didn’t even know that existed and I told myself that I would never and could never let myself go like that (remember at the time I was in complete and utter control of every calorie that went into my body).
That day I told myself that group therapy wasn’t for me. Summer was coming and I continued 1-1 therapy and my antidepressant. I was actually on an uprise, putting all my energy towards defeating my eating disorder. I stopped counting calories, and set myself the goal of “intuitive eating.”
Things were getting much better going into my senior year. Overall, I felt happier and much more comfortable around food. That’s when the binging started. When I got comfortable. I was no longer depressed, but was now sort of “obsessed with food.” I remember I would wake up at 3AM at eat my breakfast because I couldn’t sleep and was literally obsessing over my breakfast. Because of that, my whole entire eating schedule was off, which lead to major binging at night.
What a Typical Binge Looked Like
For me binging was more of an oral fixation than anything. I love the sensation of crunchy foods, cold foods, etc. When it comes down to it, my binge eating was due to the fact that I could not read my hunger cues and I had no self-control. My binging usually took place at night, after I had a beautiful day of eating good-for-you foods. It was usually on some sort of sweeter (but healthy) food that I would consider my dessert (at the time). Nothing is “healthy” if you eat an ungodly amount of it in one sitting.
I would go into the snack or dessert with the intent of just having a handful or a serving and end up going WAY overboard. My handful of raisins would turn into 1-2 cups + something else. Or if I had made a batch of cookies- bam those were gone. Same thing with grapes. I would freeze grapes, hoping that because they were frozen, it would take me longer to eat (which is suggested for intuitive eating). 3 pounds later or almost 1,000 calories, the entire bag of grapes. Gone.
What I Binged On
There are really only a select few things that I binged on. The first one that makes me the most upset is the gum chewing. I have always been a gum chewer, but gum was almost like a sweet safety net for me. Instead of having dessert (which is clearly more calories than a stick of gum), I would pop a piece of sweet sugar-free bubblegum to get my fix. 6 packs later…yes. You read that correctly. 6. packs. later. My stomach would be so gassy, bloated, and uncomfortable that there was no way I was leaving my house. I know you are probably thinking, how can you binge on gum if you don’t actually eat it? Well, gum does have a caloric value. The crazy thing is, I wasn’t really able to realize what I was doing, while I was doing it. It was only afterward when I would lay in my bed, in pain because my stomach was so bloated.
A few other common foods I couldn’t control myself around was grapes, cereal, and raisins. It was hard for me to buy anything in bulk at the time from the grocery store because I was scared to death that I wasn’t going to be able to control myself and eat the entire thing. I’m not sure why I chose grapes and raisins, but I can tell you that today- both of those things just look and sound so unappealing to me. And cereal/granola. I could never sit down and have just 1 bowl. More like 3 or 4 giant bowls. That was and is my favorite after dinner treat.
My Recovery
Like I stated above, my recovery included 1-1 therapy, an antidepressant, love, and support from my family, and will-power from me.
I started dating Blake in January of my senior year (2012) and at the time I was going back and forth between binging and restricting (never purging). I felt extremely guilty and embarrassed because I was hiding my binging from him (only doing it when he wasn’t home) and Blake is the person I share everything with. We soon moved in together and that’s when I told myself, NO MORE. I told myself I was not going to let this thing run my life and make me feel guilty around Blake. This is when I decided to change.
Blake’s eating habits are very different than mine. He eats 3 meals but eats what he’s craving. I could never eat just 3 meals (I am a small- 6 meal kind of girl), but I was never really able to “just eat what I was craving” because I was on such a rigorous diet for so long. Blake eats a lot of meats, veggies, eggs, and fruit and he doesn’t like dessert. Well- I LOVE dessert, so I would make huge dinner and eat that, but then go for my real craving 1 or 2 hours later.
So, I decided to start feeding my body what I was craving when I was craving it. I’m not saying that I would eat dessert for dinner every night, but if I knew I was craving granola, I would make myself a Greek yogurt and granola parfait, and be absolutely content, not feeling like I needed to have 4 bowls of it. Because- if I didn’t give my body what she was craving, I knew that after dinner I would fall into the binge trap and eat it, a lot if it, anyways.
One thing that really helped me through this entire process was believing myself and staying positive. Every day is a new day. Things didn’t change overnight, but I didn’t stop until I got what I wanted –> normal-like eating habits. Another thing that helped me recover, was sharing my experience with someone else. My sister was the only one who really knew what was going on, but the situation really comes to life when you say it out loud.
So…
Tips for Recovery
- Eat what you are craving when you are craving it.
- Surround yourself with normal eaters. What is a normal eater? Someone who eats intuitively and probably doesn’t even know it!
- Challenge yourself. Go out to eat, go to bars, and pt yourself in situations where it’s uncomfortable. If you’re craving a donut for breakfast, order the damn donut and feel good about your decision.
- Write down your goal and don’t stop believing. Every day is a new day and you need to stay positive!
- Share your story with someone. Say it out loud and tell them and yourself what you are going to do to overcome it.
- Know that your eating habits don’t have to be the same as everyone else’s. If 6 small meals work for you, do it. If you like to eat pancakes for dinner, do it.
So that is that. It’s been almost a good year, and I am feeling good about my eating. I binge like a normal person (in moderation) and I am now able to let my mind think about other things, rather than obsessing over what I feed my body. I am like a whole new woman and I wake up with a kick-ass attitude every single day. I know what it feels like to be trapped in your own mind. This is why I am able to wake up and feel so free and thankful to be happy and healthy.
Questions- ask them. I’d love to chat!
So I read this and it kind of scared me. I binge eat when my husband isn’t home and it’s exactly the way you describe it. Eat well all day and then I need crunchy savory and sweet things and sometimes it is cereal or pita chips. And that details my diet. And I’ve been doing this for years and I know it and it’s killing me. And I’m gaining weight when I eat healthy all day exercise hard and then binge. I can’t stop. I feel like I’m always hungry. This really sucks. To be this way. Wish I could fix it.. but I always feel hungry and down.. thanks for sharing your article
The best thing I ever did was surround myself with normal eaters and feed my body what it’s craving when it’s craving it! You got this! <3
Did you read any books or resources about Intuitive Eating that you would recommend for someone in recovery from restricting and binging on healthy foods? I appreciate any help or suggestions
I refused to do any of that during my recovery 😛 Honestly it’s taken me 7 years to get where I am today with food. What really helped me was yoga!
Hi! I was recently diagnosed with an eating disorder. It started with an acute gastrointestinal problem that eventually became chronic, and I stopped eating because I lost my sense of hunger. I waited for very long, eating minimally while waiting for my hunger to return, but I was very miserable during that period because I’m someone who loves eating. And it’s hard to eat out with friends so I stopped meeting people too, which just made me feel more lonely than ever before. I lost weight and my period stopped, so I had to see the doctor. Then I started to weigh myself. It was simply to monitor for health reasons at first, but that slowly became obsessive and I began to derive a certain sense of satisfaction from losing more weight, even as I saw how damaging it was on my body (I looked malnourished – not a pretty sight – yet it made me realise how “fat” I was before). When my weight first dipped below 40kg, it gave me a huge scare and jolted me into realising that something was very wrong. Then I gradually became accustomed to it and 40 became my new normal, meaning I would become very anxious whenever my weight went over 40. Which would happen because I started binging (especially at night, after dinner) and I would restrict myself during the day, knowing that the cycle would repeat itself at night. It’s like when I don’t eat it’s all good, but once I start eating I can’t seem to get myself to stop. It’s crazy I know. I confessed all these on my first visit to the eating disorders clinic just two days ago, and the doctor told me firmly that she wants to at least a 1kg weight gain by the next visit in a week’s time. Like you know just make yourself EAT even if the thought scares you. I told her about the binging but she attributed it to hunger because I wasn’t eating enough, even though I wasn’t physically hungry. I thought otherwise because I sensed that my binging was more of a combination of emotional issues and mindless eating because I couldn’t stop thinking about FOOD and that stressed me out in general. Anyway, I convinced myself to eat just as she had instructed. I ate a little more than usual at dinner last night, but stopped myself when I was comfortably full. This morning started out well with breakfast and I snacked a little before a proper lunch. The problem kicked in after dinner, when I made sure to eat a good portion. I started picking up nuts, and nuts led to more nuts and other snacks and then to ice cream. So the whole thing ended up in one of the worst binges and I’m still scooping out ice cream from the tub even as I’m writing this. I feel outrightly horrible but I can’t seem to stop myself. The not eating enough theory doesn’t fit anymore because I definitely ate a whole lot more than normal people do, yet I’m still itching to stuff myself with more food. HALP. I know my mum will freak out again if I tell her I don’t want to eat lunch tomorrow because I ate too much tonight (the doctor specifically said you gotta EAT!) but it’s true I really did OVEREAT LIKE THRICE THE DAILY PORTION and I can’t bear the thought of forcing more food down my throat tomorrow and there’s that fear that I will go into an overdrive and binge again. It’s like the doctor gave me the green light to lose control and at this rate I’m not gonna gain 1 but 10kg in a week and I’m pretty sure that’s not healthy either. T.T I know I’ve got to find a way to regulate my eating but I don’t know how to and I just feel like a complete mess right now. It’s been a long time since there has been any updates on this post but if you happen to read this, I was wondering if you could shed any light on the situation and maybe give some advice from your own experience of how you overcame the urge to not over or undereat but to strike a balance and rediscover normal eating habits. Thank you!!
Hey, I have the same exact problem as you did about waking up so early in the morning (3-4AM ish) and eating. I eat 2 hours+ continuously till 6 AM since there is nothing to do so early in the morning. What did you do to improve this situation? Thanks
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I, too, suffer from binge eating. I work out an hour plus a day to cover it up. I eat whole foods and try my best to stay away from sweets but I do end up binging when I start eating certain foods. My biggest weakness at this moment is popcorn. I LOVE popcorn. Sadly, I can sit and eat the entire bag (Costco size) in the blink of an eye. I just lose track of how much I’ve had. My youngest son has started telling me that I need to stay away from popcorn and not to even look at it when I’m at the store. I also tend to eat and snack while I’m doing my weekly meal prep. I’m fine if I can portion off my food during the week but it’s the weekends when I don’t have the discipline that I worry about. I’ve tried giving in to the temptation and limiting myself to a small bowl but then I go back and pour another bowl and another. I’ve also tried chewing gum (like you mentioned in your post) but I end up chewing an entire pack and I’m still not satisfied. I’ve tried eating something healthy like greek yogurt with frozen berries in it but then I’m still munching. I am not hungry, I just like to munch. The feeling of the crunch in food is what gets me started. So I’m starting this year by trying to eat slower and savor the food in hope that it will help satisfy my craving if I take longer to eat. I should take the time to enjoy a meal with my family and have a nice conversation over dinner rather than rush through my food and overeat then when I’m cleaning up to binge on crackers, popcorn, and grapes.
Your story touches me so much. As I was reading, I feel like it could be my own words. You give me hope for a lifelong problem I am often doubtful of overcoming.
What I would like to know is if you are not obsessed with food, are you not afraid of how it will affect your image or weight? I know that is most crippling for me; I am going through therapy presently and I take it one day at a time but whenever I feel like I’m doing well, the minute I put on weight, the dark thoughts and patterns came back…. How do you do it.
Thank you so much for your input, I feel less alone
Hi Sarah! Yes I definitely feel scared about my eating behaviors affecting my image and appearance. I’ve often been told by therapists or family that the physical changes are just psychological because I get nervous whenever I overeat even just a little bit. But they are real concerns for me. I think what has worked for me sometimes is to try and allow yourself a little breathing room cuz we are all human and we need to be gentle on ourselves. No one can possibly be that disciplined! If I overeat one night, I don’t let my disappointment lead to more binging but instead I remind myself that it was ONE day and it’s not the end of the world. The important thing is to try and understand what led to the binge, what was I feeling before and after. When I do this, I feel more aware of my emotions when the next urges come. Do you agree?? Any similar experiences?
Hi I have struggled with binge eating for a number of years, and I go through the endless cycle of binging and recovering. I like the idea of letting myself indulge in my cravings more often but I am very nervous about how to control it. I have had a long road with eating disorders and I feel like the longer I’m dealing with it the more habits I develop with my behavior. I mainly wanted to ask your advice about being a guy with an eating disorder. It’s very hard to not feel like people are judging me even tho I know I’m by far the most judging person of myself. For as long as I can remember I’ve struggled to fit in with my peers because I’m scared how people view me. I do have a right to be scared because I’ve dealt with other health issues including growth hormone deficiency and looking very young for my age so I naturally struggle with appearances. This situation along with my eating issues has essentially caused me to isolate myself from the world in many ways. I am especially upset about my lack of relationships with girls. I think I’m a good looking guy but I never participate enough with my peers to even have a shot. I often feel like I missed out on a lot of experiences and I honestly feel like I’m only stable with my relationship to food when I just shut out my true feelings and aspirations. I’m very confused any response would be appreciated!
Such an inspiring post! I couldn’t believe that what you wrote is the exact thing I’m struggling with right now with the same foods. I’m vegan and have come a long way to battle other eating and body image disorders and finally feel strong and comfortable with my habits with the exception of my binging on what I buy as my “healthy snacks.” Granola, raisins, chips, dark chocolate, almond butter… It’s so discouraging! Did you also find it helpful to just not put those trigger foods in your house?
Thank you so much for writing this. I’ve secretly struggled with bingeing for a long time, and the same as you, always healthy foods. I start the day with such good intentions, but I “get hungry” quickly and I can’t seem to stop. But then I think I’m exaggerating and it’s nothing to worry about. But it is and reading this has helped me 🙂 So thank you!
I am so glad this post resonated with you, Olivia!!
Hi. Thanks for sharing your story. I have always been a little overweight, I was a chubby kid and started doing lots of situps and walking every day to try to get thin, this was in my early teens. Slowly over the next 15 years or so it got worse, lots of different diets but always the same story… I would lose weight by restricting my calorie intake, but I would get so sick of reading labels and measuring or weighing what I eat that I would just stop. Then I would eat too much again and gain it all back. I had kids and got heavier than ever! Now it is stuck in my head that if I don’t watch every calorie that goes in my mouth I will just keep getting bigger and bigger until I diet again. And it has proved true over and over. Every time I try to stop counting and just eat like a ‘normal, healthy’ person I go crazy and eat everything! Then I buy more and eat that too! I lost 35 pounds this year, but just went away for 10 days and gained 9 back. I have finally resigned myself to the fact that I will either be getting fatter or dieting for the rest of my life. It’s depressing, but I can’t just ‘let go’ or I will get fat again. It always happens! I realize that forming a new habit takes time, but my problem is that I’m not willing to gain 20 lbs while I’m doing it. I need a way to think rightly about food without it costing me all my hard work.